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Nomenclature
Jul. 22nd, 2008 10:07 amIt's funny.
I've been married for over two years now. I changed my last name and even enrolled into grad school with my married name. However, since my grad school is the same university as my under-grad, all of their records continued to show me with my maiden name. I had left it as is until this summer when the Graduation Fear hit me and I finally thought about changing my school name to reflect my current name.
It's funny how it took me a while to decide to do this, and even now I'm a little hesitant and resistant.
Is that strange?
There's the stereotypical newly engaged girl who practices writing her new married name over and over again. And then there was me.
Tim proposed on Christmas (his favorite holiday) and my very first Christmas ever away from my family. My parents had just moved down to Florida and my brother was ending his first semester at college in Madison. Christmas involved a day surrounded by Tim's family and New Years involved two days surrounded by Tim's friends. I was suffering from a complete loss of identity. Where did Jill fit into all of this? I didn't have my family. I didn't have my friends. I was even going to lose my name. At one point on New Years Eve, I broke away from the group and sat in a chair in the hotel hallway - packed with people waiting for the show to start - and just cried. There I was - the newly engaged girl with the pretty ring on her finger - crying by herself on New Years Eve.
I don't know if this name on my diploma thing stems from the same issue or if it's just more a matter of pride. An oddly placed pride, but pride nonetheless. It falls along the same lines of me not wanting any kind of monetary help in paying for my grad school. My parents and my husband have all offered to help me pay for it, but I have been consistently turning them down. Now, I know the cash gifts my parents sometimes give me and the motorcycle Tim bought me have all helped my financial state, but none have been given directly for my grad school payments. I want to know that I accomplished this myself. I've saved up all of the money for this schooling myself and I'm not in debt to anyone for it, either. I want my name to be on that diploma because I've earned it and worked for it. I'm just not sure right now what name I want it to be.
I feel like I'm in a constant reevaluation of who I am and where I am in my life and relationships. Is it always like this? It's just tiring. I wish I could just turn my brain off some days (most days) and just be.
I've been married for over two years now. I changed my last name and even enrolled into grad school with my married name. However, since my grad school is the same university as my under-grad, all of their records continued to show me with my maiden name. I had left it as is until this summer when the Graduation Fear hit me and I finally thought about changing my school name to reflect my current name.
It's funny how it took me a while to decide to do this, and even now I'm a little hesitant and resistant.
Is that strange?
There's the stereotypical newly engaged girl who practices writing her new married name over and over again. And then there was me.
Tim proposed on Christmas (his favorite holiday) and my very first Christmas ever away from my family. My parents had just moved down to Florida and my brother was ending his first semester at college in Madison. Christmas involved a day surrounded by Tim's family and New Years involved two days surrounded by Tim's friends. I was suffering from a complete loss of identity. Where did Jill fit into all of this? I didn't have my family. I didn't have my friends. I was even going to lose my name. At one point on New Years Eve, I broke away from the group and sat in a chair in the hotel hallway - packed with people waiting for the show to start - and just cried. There I was - the newly engaged girl with the pretty ring on her finger - crying by herself on New Years Eve.
I don't know if this name on my diploma thing stems from the same issue or if it's just more a matter of pride. An oddly placed pride, but pride nonetheless. It falls along the same lines of me not wanting any kind of monetary help in paying for my grad school. My parents and my husband have all offered to help me pay for it, but I have been consistently turning them down. Now, I know the cash gifts my parents sometimes give me and the motorcycle Tim bought me have all helped my financial state, but none have been given directly for my grad school payments. I want to know that I accomplished this myself. I've saved up all of the money for this schooling myself and I'm not in debt to anyone for it, either. I want my name to be on that diploma because I've earned it and worked for it. I'm just not sure right now what name I want it to be.
I feel like I'm in a constant reevaluation of who I am and where I am in my life and relationships. Is it always like this? It's just tiring. I wish I could just turn my brain off some days (most days) and just be.
